Vocational Retreat 1 - Franciscans

December 20th, 2025

So these journal entries were meant to be much more frequent posts but I really haven't had the time to work on much of anything outside of IRL responsibilities - such is life!

A week ago I disappeared off the internet for a bit, with not much to say on aftersleep or any other platforms I use. That is because that weekend I was on a bit of a journey of my own. That weekend I had a vocational retreat with...

The Order of Friars Minor (aka the Franciscans)

a thread on /b/ died for this

The Franciscans follow the example of St. Francis of Assici, attempting to live every day in poverty and penitence, chastity and obedience. Their objective is to live the Gospel, renouncing personal ownership and living in brotherhood while tending to the cries of the needy and serving the community around them.

I like to think as orders like the Dominicans as the brains of the Church, with a big emphasis on studying philosophy and preaching the theological truths they gleam from their study, and someone like the Franciscans as the heart of the Church, putting into practice what Christ did and taught in a more direct way.

Not everyone is called to this way of life. To be honest, when I think of the man who heard "sell everything you have and give to the poor [...] then come and follow me" and did just that, I'm still a bit frightened. If you abstract yourself and think of it as just an argument, it may seem like an easy choice - life on Earth is temporary, life with God is eternal; nothing you own is as valuable as that, and self-sacrifice for the sake of your neighbour is pretty much what Christ did - but I have found that I still have a lot of attachment to things around me. My 3D printer, my games and their respective consoles, my books, my VR headset, my research (which may not sound like it's part of the pattern, but it is) - none of these are particularly valuable if I'm called to the Franciscan charism, but I would not be lying if I said these belongings are all things I would rather keep around than not. Plus if I were to be called to marriage (or even just the diocesan priesthood), these would all be things that could be important in the way they are to me right now. These are the difficulties and questions I brought in my heart as I took the bus to the convent where I would meet the other aspirants for the weekend.

During the weekend I would pray, eat and sleep under the same roof as the friars in this convent, as I would question and contemplate the answers to different parts of this vocation. So too would the other aspirants, who will go unnamed but that surprisingly are the first people in a long time I managed to remember the name of after meeting them for the first time.

Friday was the welcoming moment, where we got an overview of what the weekend would look like. Saturday was the big discernment moment, with the previous vocations director joining us for the morning, prayer of the rosary and a second moment of reflection in the afternoon, along with silence. This is when I really had the time to pray about, meditate on and understand my worries. Sunday was going to be a mass and then lunch, after which we were free to go home at any time. My bus was bound for 7PM, which gave me time to ask questions of the other friars.

Here are some noteworthy moments:

• For the most part, the rooms had pictures on the doors to distinguish them; mine was an "advice animal" of a statue facepalming with the quote "i feel like my guardian angel looks like this often"
• I found a book about St. Francis' life in English during the morning prayer at the chapel. This is surprising because I don't think any of the friars actually spoke English. I would go on to start reading it throughout the weekend.
• This was actually my first time praying the Liturgy of the Hours! I... am still a bit lost on it but I'll get there eventually!
• The guys and I got along really well, which is great because of the Franciscan focus on brotherhood. Over this weekend, I really got to feel the philia C.S. Lewis writes about and the friendship of virtue Aristotle identified in his day.
• We got to walk around the city, finding old, now destroyed convents that used to belong to the order. One church that had been closed for ages but that was now operational again had some of the most wonderful frescos I've seen in a while.
• One of the friars - now bald from old age - wore a brown beanie that didn't cover his whole head. It really matched his habit! Seeing him in the corner of my eye, I would often think he had a tonsure (that one haircut the friars are known for)

Vocational Reflection

I wanted to now focus on a more critical moment: Saturday. In the morning, the reflection was on a chapter in St. Francis' life, when he finds his first companion in the order, Brother Bernard of Quintavalle. Brother Bernard was drawn to St. Francis' vocation after being confronted with several passages about giving everything to the poor, denying oneself, taking up one's cross and following Christ, just like Francis had done before him. This, however, was not shown to us as merely an example to follow after - in fact, the former vocations director made sure we knew that the Franciscan charism is not the only way to serve God and that it is okay to not be a Franciscan. I think we all knew this intuitively - after all, people are called to the diocesan priesthood, to marriage, to other orders all the time - but it is somewhat freeing to hear from someone like him that it's okay to not fit, it's okay to go look for something else.

And yet, despite my previous worries all being reasons to consider the other avenues, I still find myself agreeing with St. Francis that his is a much better way of life, closer to God. If He calls me to be a Franciscan I will drop everything immediately and go. The only thing that keeps me from that is the uncertainty about what His plan is for my life.

The afternoon section was about Mary's vocation, when she says "yes" to becoming the mother of the messiah. There were several questions, to which my answers would often boil down to that uncertainty I just mentioned - that my "yes" was guaranteed but I just did not know what the question was. Other times the questions would invoke the idea of what keeps us from trusting God fully, which in theory is nothing but in practice I end up being unsure of my own understanding of God's will. I have been wrong before, and in fact God allowed me to be wrong so that my conversion would have truly meant something. What would be so different from the next time I'm accidentally wrong? Some other times the answer to the questions would be those worries I brought with me.

I took this time to meditate at the chapel, where I found, among other books, a compilation of the Rule of the Order of Friars Minor along with other important documents and letters that dictate how the friars are to live and behave. Once again I found a way of life I admire and that I wish to follow but that I do not yet find myself to be strong enough. I devised a plan to make it easier, though: I still have way too many things in my room, I should start by selling those that don't mean that much to me and work my way up until I only have my essentials.

I have the luxury of having the time to discern instead of being called in a "take it or leave it" kind of way like the rich man in Matthew 19:21. God has been very patient with me, it is for my own salvation that I did not meet Jesus during His earthly ministry.

When I left the chapel, I met the other guys outside. They are all older than me, but three of them not much older. We hung out and bonded together until mass. They are very fun to be around, if these are the friars of the future I think the order might just be alright.

I am still surprised they have never heard of Five Nights at Freddy's, however. Maybe the FNaF theorists all went to the Dominicans. Sounds fitting.

Reflections with a friar

On Sunday we had the morning mass with so, so many people. Small church, but very vivid. One of the few churches I know with ample space behind the altar for the chorus. The walls were very degraded but they had some magnificent frescos. Yes, I already mentioned this.

After mass we all hung out and the vocations director and one of the guys (they are from the same region) left. Myself, I had the bus pretty late which gave me time both with the rest of the group as they prepared to go but also with the friars for more personal reflections on these questions.

As it happens, one of the friars that had been with us all this time was just about the only one in the convent that was just a friar and not also a priest. Other orders have the expectation that members also become priests - the Jesuits, for example, are structured with a priestly vocation very much in mind - but the Franciscans focus a lot more on the brotherhood. Heck, St. Francis was not a priest either and he was one of the holiest men in Church history.

This friar (who shall also go unnamed for the sake of privacy) would answer some of our questions throughout the day. We walked around the city as we talked, and even after the other guys had left I still got to ask questions before my bus, too, arrived. I got some answers to my questions, but I do not know if I can make them justice in my own words. Even still, in case you too are struggling with my questions, here is what I can put into words:

Q: What do you do on your free time?

I know this may sound out of left field, but a few days before the retreat, Pixel Padre had put out a video on how he spends his day off. This video gave me a lot to think about - of course priests have a day off, we've had the day off since Moses, but it is easy to forget that. This was also a way to segue to other topics.

Answer: Aside from the weekly day off (which to be fair may not happen every week if you're needed for something), friars also have holidays. It really depends on the friar and their connection to their family, but many often get together with their family for a bit. Of course, many other friars have left their families behind and never established contact with them again, but at the same time the Franciscan charism is very much about giving oneself for the community, and your family is part of it. Many even have their family visit the convent for lunch with all the friars, which is always fun exactly because it fosters that sense of religious life meeting community. In general, though, if you don't take your day off it can be easy to fall into activism and lose track of everything else. You never get a day when you are not a Franciscan - it is a way of life - but you still get days to sit back and relax, do long walks, read, write, learn (this one friar was looking forward to learning Spanish, for example), go on retreat, et cetera.

Q: St. Francis ordered the friars to have a job.

I majored in computer engineering, and have done research in the past. This field really calls to me, especially the research side, and I would not want to leave that behind. However, my impression prior to this was that the friars' jobs were more "hands on" and physical: carpentry, stone masonry, et cetera. Of course, priest and teacher too, but those are still more traditional.

Answer: The crux of Franciscan life is to put your gifts in service of the people around you. As such, there is always space for any kind of job - research included.

Reflection: ...this should have been obvious to me from the start. The Franciscans are founded by a man who kept following after God in everything around him. Living things like birds, plants, land animals, fish, but also inanimate things like the wind, the Sun, and even concepts like death. Science, in fact, and the scientific method come from this Christian desire of knowing God and His design through the rigorous study of His creation. Of course research would be welcome in this charism.

Of course, the kind of research I do is not exactly the study of natural sciences, but it is very much focused on the bettering of human condition through technology. If love for your neighbour is what guides it, it will be fine.

Q: What about art?

I was under the assumption that the vow of poverty would be somewhat of a deterrent in one's ability to go to museums, or know cinema, or - as you know, I see them as art - play videogames. As per the Rule, the vow of poverty originally mainly consisted of accepting no money at all, so in my mind access to all of these things requires either piracy (which, as much as I personally advocate for it, is still illegal), or a betrayal of the principles of Franciscanism.

Answer: The truth, as I often tend to forget, is a bit more human than strict logical thought would tell you.

The world has changed a lot since St. Francis' day, and the Order has changed with it. Where I live, there are good help programs and subsidies for the poor that allow them not just survive but also live with dignity. If we're to live like the poor, that would look very differently from the 1200s. As such, while I'm sure St. Francis - ever the radical literalist - would personally disapprove of it, the friars do get a personal allowance. It is a modest amount, and you are meant to use it in a beneficial way toward the community, but sometimes part of that is keeping up with the times and not letting poverty become an idol that makes you and your brothers become strangers. It is the culture and cultural references that create dialogue and understanding between man, so depriving oneself of this bridge you're meant to build for the sake of fitting the standard of poverty of 800 years ago could be counter-productive.

That is, however, not to say that the Franciscans are completely faithful to their poverty vow. People often feel such a sense of gratitude for the friars, what they do and what they represent that they will often send gifts. In a lot of situations it would be rude to decline these offers - remember that part about building bridges with the community - but at the same time one of the most important parts of the Franciscan vocation is a life of simplicity and penitence. There is always the temptation to accept too much, and truth is you won't find the same instability the poor do at a convent. Some - including the friar I spoke to - kind of wish this instability was more of a factor in convents, to return to the roots and the heart of what that poverty means. Just because we can't allow it to become an idol does not mean we can disregard the vow of poverty.

Reflection: You see, this answer was pretty much what I needed to get it. There is a nuance - and nuance is what I've always struggled with - that you can only see if you really put your heart on it. This, I find, is what I end up meaning when I say the Franciscans are "heart of the Church": yes, they do have theologians and philosophers, but a lot of the understanding and a lot of the nuance that may at first seem paradoxical is really all about being human in communion with and in service of those around you. After all, being human often is a paradox in itself.

How wonderful is it, then, that the creator of the universe, the very meaning of existence, willed to have this paradoxical nature while also having a paradoxical nature of His own?

Closing thoughts

The answers the friars gave me over the weekend were very enlightening. I now see there is nothing much to fear - I know I will be happy as a Franciscan if that's what I'm called for.

Even still, I do not know if God is calling me to the Franciscan way of life. I described them earlier as the "heart of the Church", and that is why I considered them before seriously attempting to look into the other orders, but it is still totally possible that I am called to something else. Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I have been in contact with the friars myself. Got some books recommended (and lent) to me for further study, and there will be another retreat in February next year. If you have been discerning a vocation of your own or are curious about something I forgot to ask, write in the comments of this post or send me an email! I will ask the friars and get back to you.

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